Archive for the ‘Disaster… [a.k.a: Inedible]’ Category

Where there’s smoke, there’s Emily in the kitchen!
June 30, 2008

Stir fry attempt numero uno:


 not so much stirring and frying as sticking and burning...

Not so much stirring and frying and sticking and burning… in other words, oh dear!!

Let’s start from the beginning – my sister was getting fed up of all these new recipes being tried for dinner which she really wasn’t fond of, so suggested a stirfry because… well, what could go wrong?

What DIDN’T go wrong? For something so supposedly simple it sure was a lot of work – and it didn’t look or taste edible at the end either. A few bulletpoints on what went to pot…

  • First off, how on earth do the noodles work!?!?! We used ‘straight to the wok’ noodles which were incredibly overpriced, to make things a bit easier – straight to the wok my elbow, they stuck and burnt and didnt separate out; we ended up with big brown clumps of noodle…
  • The wok i used was sooo bad. I don’t know what happened, but it was meant to be non-stick and it everything stuck to it! It really got a bit out of control when I was trying to stir the vegetables and noodles and such with my wooden spatula and the spatula got stuck. In the end i had to dump all the not-ready-at-all food onto plates whilst i attempted to scrub the [may i add, never before used] wok with two types of washing-up liquid, bleach and the scrubby side of a sponge – the sponge had to be thrown after, as it was beyond repair. I then continued to stir-fry the food in a non stick frying pan… so much easier! Why, oh why didn’t i do that in the first place?
  • How much oil was i meant to add? I have a feeling that part of the reason everything stuck so much was because there wasn’t enough oil, but by the time i actually served the food, it was literally swimming in oil! It was disgusting! I’m not much of a fan of oil at the best of times and it was either too little or too much; rather confusing…
  • At one point the whole kitchen was so completely filled with smoke that I could barely see – and I don’t even know why!
  • I did the meat all wrong too: I was meant to put it in first or something, because it cooks slowest? Yeah, i sorta forgot…

Phew – I’ve ran out of things that went wrong!! Well it’s safe to say that this is the biggest catastrophe so far 😉 – don’t you fret, I’m sure my next posts won’t be quite as depressing ;P


Chocolate-cheescake-brownie-slices-fresh-from-the-oven … What a mouthful!
June 11, 2008

Day 1, Dish 1, Disaster 100 :)
May 21, 2008

Why hello there!

Whilst browsing the net for pictures of odd cakes that i’d found in the big fat dusty cookbook, i came across a rather smashing blogger named “small small baker” and eventually [not quite sure how…] i came across some great food blogs from this site.

Many [manymanymany] confused hours later i figured out how to make an account… and here i am, at your service – that is, should you be requiring a truly awful chef-to-be, with a catastrophic cooking history!

Gee whiz, my first ever post… exciting stuff, eh?

I’m going to use this blog as a record of my monstrosities – i thought it would be fun to see the journey my food goes through before it [one day in the distant future] becomes edible.

I can tell you’re just hanging on the edge of your seats to find out what horrers were lurking in my saucepan earlier today, so, being the ever-so-selfless person that i am, i uploaded some pictures, specially for you – you must feel very special.

Dish 1 – Alla Crema de Chein Chaud

Mmm...  Lumpy...


There’s not so much a recipe for this as heaping a dollopfull of whatever we had floating around in our kitchen into a saucepan… try it sometime, you might end up with something as mouth-watering as i did! Oh, did I say mouth-watering…? My mistake 😛